10p per text message

For the first time ever I have used my 300 free text messages. How? I don't I don't feel as though I have used them neither do I feel like I have much to say over this past month to warrant using 300 freebies. Anyway so be it, until the 8th (when it starts over again) I will be paying 10p per text. Now normally I will text for England, a *kiss* here, a 'hi' there (almost willynilly in wild abandonment) but since the 10 charge I have found myself strangely relutant to send meaningless texts in particular to ones boyfriend...

... sadly it has gone unnoticed. He has not commented on the lack of *kisses* or the odd "i'm horny" text he received and replied to with such gusto. No he hasn't even mentioned it. Now women would notice something like that and would comment on the lack of communication. Men no. I even said commented on the fact I had not been pestering him and he said "hadn't noticed", shrugged his shoulders and asked whether I wanted a cig.... so now I revert to my default setting and worry whether he is secretly glad of the peace and quiet he has....

hmmmmm

In other news on the 15th April after much too and fro-ing I will be going into hospital for an operation. Yes my tonsils will be removed and in some form of sick donation passed onto another person for their enjoyment (do they do that with tonsils or just vital organs...)

I say I'm worried is an understatement.

Next is my NHS team building away day. Wet suits, water rafting and me aren't gonna mix but it's fallen just before my op so I can't get out of it.

Oh and finally yes the boyfriend at the top I mentioned is the same one that I was with a month ago. Decided he was worth it even though sometimes he doesn't think so. And that is why I love him.

Overwhelming sense of forboding..

People are gonna think I am daft when I say that I can 'feel' when things aren't right and at moment 'things' don't feel right with me and my fella. We haven't been seeing each other long and so much has happened in such a short space of time, last weekend we got back together again after he finished with me, after a few home truths we got back together and at the moment it feels like I am on tenderhooks at all times with the relationship. He has more hang ups than me and cos I'm not always 100% I find it hard to get a grip on his. He can be full on and other times he can be completley nonchelent about the whole thing. And this is what I struggle with, I want him to show his feelings more but I know he finds it hard and when I say something soppy I feel that I am making him feel uncomfortable and apologise - which is stupid when you think about it.

This morning I was nearly involved in an accident at J18 of the M60. Silly drivers, driving stupidly in the wet weather and rain. All I wanted to do was call him but I was scared I would wake him up and make him angry.... stupid yes I realise. It's only when I am with him do I feel like he has any feelings for me...

Maybe I'm not feeling 100% at moment. I don't know. But I just want to be settled. Not sure it's gonna be with him though.

A blog virgin

I have to say I don't like talking about myself very much, sometimes I have a lot to say and other times I have bugger all, it depends what is going on in the world for me to worry about.
Anyway, this is the first blog. I was gonna throw a party and make cakes as a form of celebration but firstly it's 8:50am and secondly I can't be bothered.

So what do I write about? Well having read Sas and Kitty's they seem to vent frustration at Runboard, make beautiful monkeys out of stripy material, marvel at increased bust size and wonder about the growing of hair... So let me comment on those points first.

1. I have no problem with Runboard. Met some lovely people there and mad Austrailian who keeps me entertained throughout the day.

2. I can't sew so no monkeys for me

3. I hope to good my bust size never increases. Ever. They would have their own orbit if they did.

4. I want my hair cut and coloured.. but seeing as I have no money, it ain't gonna happen anytime soon.

Interesting stuff eh?

Anyway... me... well I describe myself on Astrogunge as mildy psychotic with big boobs, and that pretty much sums me up really. I have a boyfriend who I think the world of (who has more issues than me which is a feet in itself really), a house that I want to sell, a job I love except the person I work opposite grinds my gears, and I have no money...

So thats it for now... maybe more will follow tomorrow if I get into work early and remember I've set this thing up.